At this point in time, I feel like the majority of people I know (and am closest to) know that I will be leaving for Japan soon. The few that remain…well, I’d like to give them the big surprise in a surprising way!
And I’ve honestly been super excited about this since I got accepted back in 2020, but I have to say that it hasn’t felt REAL until just a few days ago. I don’t even know what I was doing but suddenly the thought invaded my brain – “I really AM going to Japan. I’m leaving. Soon. HOLY SH*T”. Ok, so maybe not those exact words but that was the feeling I got. I’m at the point where I’ve submitted all my paperwork (or the majority that I can with what I’ve got), I’ve gotten a date and time, luggage information, almost everything
I started to feel scared. All this time I hadn’t felt an ounce of it but suddenly I started to think, what if people don’t like me? What if I’m not cut out for teaching or even ASSISTANT teaching?! What if I make a mistake and I get fired?! What if I don’t like it? What if, what if. No exact words or thoughts but just feelings of slight dread. Do I really want to get on that plane and just…leave? I wanted to yell out “I changed my mind, I don’t want to go! Not yet, I’m not ready!”
It wasn’t for long, but everything became real for a moment. I finally realized that yes, I’m going to do this and SOON. My family has been great about listening to me and telling me to call WHENEVER I need it but just, it hadn’t hit me until now that it’s happening. I’ll only be able to call them. I won’t be seeing them in A WHILE (my plan is to stay as long as possible)
The feeling of dread has left me. I’m pumped to leave, but I can’t deny that there’s a feeling in my gut that wasn’t there before. It’s sort of like getting on a roller coaster and you know it’s going to be a wild ride but those seconds and minutes as you’re rising to the starting point, the butterflies and anticipation, that’s the feeling in my gut (except that this ride won’t be just 2 minutes long, it’ll be years before I come back)
I wasn’t expecting to feel this way
Also, I’m extremely worried about my luggage restrictions. How am I going to pack my whole library in JUST two large suitcases?! I will miss my books A LOT